Contacts (n)

The Internet replacement for friends. Most contacts are probably not using their real names. This is generally not a problem, because you won’t be using your real name either.

Contacts tend to be made up personalities by Internet users. These made up personalities can then pretend to make friends with each other. This saves much of the hassle of actually becoming friends, which requires you to do things like:

1. Remember birthdays
   
2. Comfort them when they’re sad
   
3. Act pleased when they are successful.
   

With your contacts, if they are sad or successful you can simply block them and find some happier or less talented ones. Luckily, finding ones who fall into the latter category is not hard.